Saturday, December 25, 2004

    everyone seems to be still charting their future paths, and yet i seem to know exactly what i want to do, and when i want to do it. i've even factored in like all the different outcomes of life-changing situations and what i'll do then...hm, maybe its really not so healthy to be constantly so obssessed about where life takes me...i seem to forget to enjoy the little subtle pleasures of life...

X'mas was home alone this year, cos my parents are in shanghai, my siblings in the uk, and i've to be here to wait 4 interview results...hahaa, but i guess it was quite all right, though i mus seriously improve on my cooking skills...hm, and how ironic, usually i'm the one that's overseas, while my family's at home...i seem to haf this affinity with spending important occasions overseas, ie. birthday in morocco, and CNY in pakistan...but yet surprisingly, they've been some of the most memorable of my life

was thinking that i'll want to do an internship at the UN someday, or perhaps a short working stint? it'll be such an experience to work with people of all different nationalities who are coming together to fulfill their responsibilities as "we, the peoples"...to share in their cultures, and working styles, ideas and so much more. idealistic it may be, no doubt fraught with lotas beauracratic nonsense, but its good to have a dream...

okie, i'm off to watch "meet the fockers" w a friend, seeyA...

defining himself: Shawn

Friday, December 24, 2004

    got rejected by oxford...and feeling a little sad, which is weird cos i would probably have chosen yale over oxford anyday, and since i got into yale, admission to oxford shouldn't really matter to me...moreover, it is statistically more difficult to get into yale than into oxford (1 in 10 vs 1 in 3.5)...so by right, i really should jus be happy that i got what i really want..but no...

guess its probably because while yale was probably a "test" of my individuality, personality and overall capacity, oxford examined applicants based solely upon their academic brilliance. am i academically not good enough? i guess even though i've been accepted to yale, i was really hoping that an oxford acceptance would be able to give me more confidence in my academic ability...in fact, i would probably go so far as to claim that i would probably care more about an oxford acceptance than one from harvard or stanford, the other 2 US schs that i'm applying...

as for pending applications, here's my honest opinion, i cant see myself getting rejected by any of the other 2 uk schs, lse and ucl, since act i think that my rej from oxford would boost my chances there...and while i cant say anything for sure about gaining harvard admission (e application is almost identical to the yale one)...i'm sure that my stanford app was very strong....oh well...will only know that in april...

defining himself: Shawn

Sunday, December 19, 2004

    ever since that thing happened, I seem to be rather content at watching things happen, rather than making things happen, to observe than to involve, and to critique than to be critiqued. its lyke seeing the world pass u by, as if everything else didn't matter. this is bad. i must realize that i'm me because i do the things i do, and if i were to stop doing the things i do, just because i seem to have fulfilled my aim, then i'll cease to exist.

and yes, even if it meant winning the nobel prize, i don't want to give up being me. to give up being me would be to give up all that makes me unique and that which sets me apart from the rest. to give up being me, would be to give up all the traits that have made me what i am today.

with every hint of irony, i must focus on being myself.

defining himself: Shawn