...Citius Altius Fortius...
"we are not defined by our gifts or abilities, but by the choices we make"
- unknown
1. The Transgender Child
2. Sex, Ethics and the Kinsey Reports
3. Why We Teach
4. Comet in Our Sky
5. Who Will Teach?
6. Human Sex Change and Sex Reversal
7. The Meanings of Teaching
8. True Selves
1. To publish a paper
2. To write a thesis
3. To grow Audible Hearts
4. To be true to myself
5. To get a teaching license
6. To get Kayaking 3-Star
7. Tour Europe
8. To play Squash Graded
9. To become fluent in french
10. To find true love
The picture that made the world weep. 1994 Pulitzer Prize - Kevin Carter
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audible hearts
quincy house
o'shea lab
harvard siama
blood-the river of life
03s71's blog
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud, it is not rude. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keep no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The trends are even more striking at the top end where we have been tracking the bright students with at least 4As and a B3 in General Paper at the GCE A-level examinations. Of the bright students of the 1996-1999 GCE A-level graduating cohorts, more than one-fifth of them are not working in Singapore a decade later. Of those bright students who studied overseas without a scholarship bond, more than one-third are not working in Singapore today
- Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong
This excerpt from SM Goh's speech at Chung Cheng's 70th anniversary was posted over the SIAMA-list earlier today. Coincidentally, my conversation with Kimmie last night outside Northwest ran along the same vein. I have never thought too much about me and my Singaporean identity before now. I've always been grateful for all the opportunities that I have had in Singapore. Singapore is my home - a safe, peaceful and stable society that has played a role in nurturing me into what I am today. Singapore is not really just an abstract concept to me, instead it represents my family and friends, teachers and colleagues. She speaks to a way of life for 4.5 million people. I see in her the culmination of a generation's work and the aspirations of the next.
Maybe it's because of my middle-class upbringing, but I've always felt a certain resonance with the heartlanders. I know what it's like to live like 70% of Singaporeans. To live in a HDB flat, visiting the wet market, scrimping and saving from NTUC fairprice, taking the bus and mrt from place to place. To speak a smattering of dialect and malay with a complete reportoire of army-bred Singlish and hokkien phrases. I may have always be educated at our "elite" institutions, but I don't flinch at mentioning the days of block-catching and void deck soccer of my youth. I know what a chapteh is and how to play one. I'm aware of how shuttlecocks have a mind of their own when you play in the open air badminton court at your neighborhood park. I know that NITEC is an ITE certification. I know what it's like to have malay neighbors who used to bring goreng pisang every once in a while.
It therefore scares the crap out of me to find that I've drifted so far from the Singaporean mainstream. I feel almost like an outsider these days. While I don't think the nature of my values has changed all that much, their priorities certainly have. Granted, some of it has been coming for a while. For instance, I've never really liked authority figures or the fact that I have to respect someone "simply because" he/she is of a higher appointment/because they are "more senior" or worse still, just because they are old. I will respect who I want to respect, and not who I'm told to respect. As you can imagine, BMT wasn't exactly the most fun time of my life. In particular, I've very little tolerance for incompetency from superiors. If you want to lead, then you better make sure you know what on earth you're doing. Unless my sensors are completely off, somehow the seniority card isn't dangled quite as much here, especially not in science. Your work certainly is less measured by how many years you have been on faculty than by how many publications and the impact you create in your field. This sentiment has just gotten increasingly worse over the years. I'm not sure if that's exactly a good thing or a bad thing, but well, that's just what I feel.
Singapore society also seems to lack a certain openness - both a willingness and an ability to accept diversity. Our social consciousness seems dominated by certain modes of thinking that most people subscribe to. It lacks a plurality of opinions and by extension makes it difficult for new ideas to take root. People are so used to thinking in a certain way that any change has to overcome great social inertia.
These are just some things I think about. I hope I'm not coming across as being arrogant or ungrateful, because that really isn't it. I'm just honestly saying how I feel after having spent two years in the US. I guess this topic is particularly relevant to me since I will not necessarily have to return to Singapore after my graduation, which by SM Goh's stats - a 1 in 3 chance I won't be back working in Singapore in 10 years. I still want to contribute to the public sector, particularly in the education service, but I'll be lying if I said that I have not considered other more lucrative avenues I could head. If they don't want me, that's one thing, if they want me and I don't fit their mould that's quite a different issue altogether. We talked about this quite a bit during adolescent development class when we did policy implications. I remembered someone asking what we can do if we exist in a time when the administration does not see what we see, how can we change the system lest it changes us.
defining himself: Shawn
Friday, June 26, 2009
One of the best things about growing up for me is that life becomes so much more interesting. Things are no longer divided into black or white, right or wrong, boy or girl. Instead, I'm noticing the subtleties and appreciating the details. It's confusing at times, especially when we get caught in the small details and lose sight of the big picture. However, being able to see the small intricacies makes the big picture more meaningful.
For lack of a better expression, I've also noticed that I'm growing a heart! Metaphorically at least. That I'm able to feel for others and empathize with their situation. And this may sound strange to some, but growing up, I was never really sensitive to the vibes that people give off. Perhaps it was a combination of a somewhat elitist environment and my own good fortune that I could never see the pain of others. Everything was taken rationally. But humans are not always rational beings and sometimes I think rationality just plain doesn't work. In fact, this dichotomy is exactly what "Handle with Care" is about. Can you justify suing for wrongful birth (to testify in court that you would have aborted if your ob/gyn had told you your child was disabled) if the purpose is to claim a payout to ensure a better life for your kid? Rationally, it makes sense. But can you really look your daughter in the eye and say, I would never have had you if I knew you would turn out like that?
On a separate note, I really need to get out of Boston and more specifically Harvard. I've been here a little too long, and I'm losing touch with the outside world. The bubble is great. Everyone is sheltered, there's always more than enough for all and you have almost everything that you can ever wish for. But is that really what we want?
defining himself: Shawn
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Watched Disney-Pixar's Up in 3D at Boston Commons. It was sheer and utter genius really. To be honest, I haven't had much faith in Disney ever since they starting churning out half-baked stuff during the late 90s. But Up, like Wall-e, was inspiring and uplifting. I liked the message. I marveled at the presentation. I'm not an easy person to tear - especially at animations. But Up, like Wall-e, did it. It's really good every once in a while, to be able to see the world through the eyes of a child. To remind ourselves of what truly is important in life and to find the courage to pursue our own happiness whatever that may be.On a completely separate note, I've been thinking quite a lot about our education system in Singapore. It is a system that has certainly served me well, to which I am most grateful. But at what cost? The disparity in resources between our top tier schools and the middle and lower tier schools seems as big as when I left school. The oft-heard argument is that we operate on a meritocratic system and everyone is given the same opportunity to sit for an exam to qualify for entrance into these elite schools. However, is that same opportunity argument really sound? If so, why is it that the children of the upper class are so disproportionately represented in these schools. Granted, this is not merely a Singapore phenomenon and happens in elite private prep schools in the US and the UK. However, it also begs the question of whether or not such a system actually promotes a meritocracy or is merely an illusion that entrenches the members of the upper class amongst society's elite?
As with everything, it's pointless to argue for extremes. Competition amongst schools is not necessarily a bad thing. It spurs better school practices and forces school administrators to constantly rethink the ways in which they provide education. And where there is competition, there will always be some that emerge better off than others. I'm not arguing that all schools be made equal, that would be silly. What I am arguing for is to close the disparity in resources between the elite and non-elite schools.
It seems somehow hypocritical for me to comment on this, especially because if anything, I've actually benefited hugely from such a system. But I also find it disturbing that so much that has come my way could have found much better uses to help students from low income families stay in schools, to train special ed teachers and develop new programmes for middle and lower-tier schools. Is an astro-turf really necessary for the rugby team of an elite school or could the money be better spent on providing pocket money to needy primary schoolers? It seems to me that we are investing the most in our best and brightest because we believe that they will reap the highest returns. It's not entirely flawed logic, but unfortunately human capital, unlike physical and financial capital, have legs. We need to diversify more and not place all our eggs in one basket. Not to mention when the eggs themselves start believing that some eggs are more equal than others.
defining himself: Shawn
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Today was such a beautiful day! The Cambridge River Festival was incredibly fun! There were food stalls, crafts stalls, street performances and the weather was just perfect. I went to the festival with Kimmie and there we ate, sat by the river, played with hoola hoops, watched little children "surfing", met the Berryline artist and wow, I'm still bubbling from the excitement...hahaa. I got a really nice necklace for a friend's 21st and a new wallet for myself. Kimmie bought a nice work of art. Then we went to Chinatown and stopped at Penang for dinner. I got some groceries and then came back.
Stopped by lab to spin down my cells before the festival. Things are rough but the challenge makes it fun. I've been getting so many questions recently about me and science, and I thought I should just address them here. Ever since I declared mcb, I've gotten the "wait, why are you doing science?" or "are you going to grad sch in science" or worst still, "how is that even relevant to your career?". Well, the short answer to all of the above is that I've always had a very wide range of interests.
I enjoy discussing the foundings of Christianity as much as the potential for iPS cells in treatment. I still harbor a really strong interest for a career in education and I hope to spend some time working in the field of international education to promote accessible education to disadvantaged groups. I really think that regardless of how I start out, whether in business, public policy, NGO work or even to further my studies at business school, I will eventually want to return to public service, because that for me is a calling that I cannot ignore. It's something that I know is inherent to my belief system and the values that I hold true.
My options are really wide open as of now. I mean, I could very well go to graduate school in science though that is really unlikely. Medical school and law school are still within the realm of possibility, especially with the Duke-NUS tie-up in Singapore, and Singaporeans have definitely gotten into law schools here for JD. Most of what I'm doing now is what I feel will best prepare me for a career in public service - broadly defined. There are the more practical steps I take - doing utep and taking french for instance that are useful qualifications in the real world. I'm going to try to get an mba if I'm fortunate enough to get accepted. Then there're the more intangible but equally important skills I want to acquire. Research is one of them. Don't get me wrong, I am excited about science. But I think more specifically, I'm excited about the challenge that research can present me. Solving a research question involves not just hard work and perserverance, but intellectual tenacity and good problem solving skills.
It's a single minded endeavor where creativity meets critical thinking. When was the last time that you put your heart and soul fully into accomplishing one task? College seems like a good time to travel the world and widen your horizons. For most people, that certainly is true. But maybe for me that appeal isn't nearly quite as strong. I've been rather fortunate, I've travelled my fair share and seen quite a bit. I've definitely still be trying to continue doing that, to see new places, learn about cultural diversity and marvel at the wonders of our world. But I was also drawn by the urge to "settle down" and focus on one endeavor. That used to be squash. It was single minded and at the end of the day, I felt really satisfied because it was an experience I couldn't have asked for any other way.
Research is quite the same way. It's tough and grinding, but honestly, I think I'm going to miss the o'shea lab a lot when I leave. Even here at Harvard, few other labs are quite as productive. And for good reason, it's by far the only lab I know that you can almost always count on there being people in lab regardless of the time. Charlotte recounted an incident during the term when she agonized that one of the grad students asked for her help with the fplc at 3am in the morning. Hard work but fun, fulfilling and ultimately memorable. It really tempting to want to take on more than you can manage at Harvard. But you find soon, that just like at a buffet, being greedy often means that you are less than effective at most and end up being stuffed and miserable.
defining himself: Shawn
Friday, June 12, 2009
Summer has been good so far. Lab's a little frustrating because of just stuff not working but I think I know what's wrong. So hopefully can rectify within the next week or two. Cambridge has been bustling with activity. Last week was the dragon boat race, then this weekend is the Cambridge River Festival and then next Thursday, it's food galore with the Taste of Cambridge.
People are starting to return from home back to campus. The PRISE people are already back and my blockmates are coming back soon too. Chor Ming's coming in from London for summer school and I'm sure there'll be other Singaporeans around as well. I absolutely love my apartment..hahaa, I wish I could stay there during the term. It's so well furnished, like nice dark wood furniture, wooden closets, plants, queen size bed, rug, -sigh- only for 2 months. Plus, it's super convenient too, 2 mins by bike from lab and 5 mins to Shaw's hypermart! I joke that I hardly plan my grocery shopping any more..
I watched telly for the first time in a year last night - the parent trap was on. Can't believe that I've forgotten how good it is to just relax on a sofa and watch telly. Cooking has been great too. I'm actually rather surprised at what you can find in Chinatown. The downside is I keep making stuff I like to eat - which also means lots of japanese food. I've done sushi, sliced sashimi, fried rice, mee goreng, steamed dim sum stuff, black pepper prawns, grilled tilapia, japanese curry, kai lan, and the usual western stuff like spaghetti and whatnot. Been experimenting with different spices too so that's kinda cool. Ah, I wish I had a kitchen during the term. But oh well, I guess I probably won't have the luxury of time to cook then.
defining himself: Shawn
Friday, May 29, 2009
It's official! I've just been accepted into the UTEP at the Education School. I'm going to get my teaching license! =) Though I don't think that I will eventually stay in teaching for any long period of time, education as a whole is a domain that speaks to me. To be able to mold young people into creative and imaginative thinkers. To bring out the best in them and to help them fulfill their potential as the bearers of tomorrow's world. Exciting!
Grades were in general not too fantastic this term, though I guess that is somewhat expected considering that this is academically my toughest term in terms of courseload and material. So much to do this summer! Getting stuff done in lab, learning ballroom dancing with Kim (we're signing up for classes!), playing squash, volunteering, trying to convert from SEE2 to ASL amongst other things. I really hope that the AH site version 3 turns out well. Good luck guys... Sometimes I wish I could actually be there rather than just talk, but there's next summer...! Wow, it's hard to believe that AH will be 3 years old this coming September...kudos to everyone...
defining himself: Shawn
Monday, May 25, 2009
School's out. And I've moved into a new place at Somerville just north of my lab. Seriously, my room is beautiful! Comes fully furnished and almost like it has been interior designed! =) Plus two new flatmates from georgia tech who are in boston for the summer. Summer thesis work's gonna be fun, exciting but also a great deal of hard work. Still keeping fingers crossed for the paper to work out.
Did so much post-exam partying! Not to mention spending so much money..tsktsk. Karaoke, hiking, ice-creaming, dinner-ing with friends! Life is good!
defining himself: Shawn